“Research has shown that accepting negative emotions, rather than dismissing them, may be more beneficial for a person’s mental health in the long run. As Zuckerman says, ‘Feel your feelings. Sit with them. Do not avoid them. Avoiding discomfort only prolongs its existence.’”
I was taught a pretty curdled kind of resilience as a kid, then a very animal kind of resilience in a more institutional setting. I learned a thoroughly different kind of resilience late in life from someone dear, and it involved feeling things all the way through.
On the other side of learning from their example, I know that sometimes the very best thing you can do is say, “wow, that sucks. I’m so sorry.”
Goes double for leaders. People always think a veteran will sympathize with the false rigor of hard-ass tough talk. Those were the leaders I trusted the least. The ones I would have picked up and carried up the hill acknowledged when they were hurting, and honored it when I was hurting.
Resilience isn’t denial. Resilience is acceptance.